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I left because there was no room for me. But you could tell me not to go. Say it to me. Tell me not to go.
--Stephen Sondheim
Sunday in the Park with George

To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection. Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much. But the heart isn't logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye.

Love is a process; it doesn't end because we say good-bye. No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person. The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we've made and to forgive whatever hurt we've received. We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation. Those feelings are born out of the illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves. Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.

I have to break some relationships because it is healthier for my recovery. Still, I can hurt and grieve over the loss of those relationships.

Kerotati

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Leaving Room for Feelings

We need to allow enough room for others and ourselves to have and work through our feelings.

We are people, not robots. An important part of us - who we are, how we grow, how we live - is connected to our emotional center. We have feelings, sometimes - difficult ones, sometimes-disruptive ones, and sometimes-explosive ones that need to be worked through.

By facing and working through these feelings we and others grow. In relationships, whether it be a love relationship, a friendship, a family relationship, or a close business relationship, people need room to have and work through their feelings.

Some call it "going through the process."

We need time to work through feelings. We need the space and permission to work through these feelings in the awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes messy way that people work through feelings.

This is life. This is growth. This is okay.

I can set reasonable boundaries for behavior and still leave room for a range of emotions.

kerotati